Filtering for a "Best friend" ?

My mind is fleetingly hovering around the topic of “friendship” and more specifically, the dynamic of “Best friend” - ship.  (Please indulge me while I blather…)

For me, as a youth, the paramount concern when filtering for a “best” friend was simply what kind of snacks did their Mom dish out?

The most sought-after “Best” friends were those whose Mom’s couldn’t be bothered with a sit down meal, choosing just to hand out “Moon pies” or “Ding Dongs” to the kids as she showed them the door…

“Go outside to play…  OUTSIDE!!”

Now that was a Mom!  When word on the street got out that someone actually had a Mom like that, he became the most popular and sought after playmate, and his house became a veritable social Mecca!

New “Best-friend-wannabe’s” would crowd up to his house every day, jockeying to curry “best friend” favor.  (Side note:  What power and influence wise Mom’s could wield if they only knew it!)  

I thought I had such a potential best friend once, but when I gravitated over to his house one lazy, boring summer day, I was disheartened and flummoxed when I spotted him “holding court” in the midst of the hopefuls (and was not encouraged as I noted the “candidate” line wrapping around the corner.)  As I sized up the situation, I stopped, and a dread fell over me.  With a noticeable “Huff” and/or “Sigh,” I turned aside and reluctantly paddled over to my “old” Best friend’s house.

“Wanna stay for lunch?” he asked.  “My Mom’s got some celery stalks and carrots!”

(Man, I’ve got to make some new, and better, “Best” friends…)

Acquiring a Best friend according to an earlier Blog which outlined my potential best seller and Pulitzer winner, The Rules of Play, is simply finding a playmate who 1. Wants to have some fun, and 2. Consents to the rules you both agree to (and isn’t always quibbling.) [“And doesn’t get you into trouble!!” so says Staff.]  Just to note:  You give a kid a much wider latitude on the Rules if his Mom has good snacks.

It’s All About the Rules of Play!  Coming to a bookstore near you!!  (Well, after it gets past the Focus Group and is actually written...)

Side note:  There is no better feeling possible to experience in youth than when a poor, deflated (and hungry) chap hears the magical music as if from heaven:

Friend:  “Hey, wait up!  WAIT UP!  Where you been?  I’ve been  waiting for you all day over at my house.”

Chris:  “I saw you holding court and I thought that you didn’t…”

Friend:  “I’m sorry!  I didn’t see you.  I slipped out the back to find you.  Do you still wanna play?” 

(As previously stated, when Rule #3 is properly employed, it saves the day and hence the Play.  Let the games continue!)  (until dark.)

Friend:  “I’m really sorry I almost missed you.  Look what my Mom sent along…”

Chris:  “Moon pies?!!”  This has been the Best day of my whole life!  Life is good and it’s fun to have fun especially with my new Best friend (and his Mom.)

Blatheringly yours,

                                     

Chris

Misc. Thoughts

Why is it that each person naturally perceives himself as the center of the universe? 

For the most part, after all, is it not our own point of view, or life experience, that we instinctively compare all others by? It happens so effortlessly.  Most often we extend (or rescind) to others a little bit of  warmth/chill based solely on their perceived alignment (or deviation) from our own point of view.  Accept/avoid, embrace/balk, welcome/shun.  Why is that?  And has this natural, (self protective?) auto-response proven itself to be a satisfactory matrix through which to evaluate, and conduct one's social values and life? 

Is it serving us well?  
(I've pondered this topic in a previous Blog.)

For example, I could be doing 90 down the freeway, but if I get passed, I think, "I drive fine; but man, is he ever the reckless driver!" On the other hand, if I'm slowed down by someone who insists on "going the speed limit"  while driving in the "passing lane," I mutter "Sunday driver!" as I swerve around that slow poke and leave him in the dust to frustrate others.   Why is it so natural, and why does it come so easily, to attach relative value to another person's actions (or inaction's) based solely on one thing:  "How would I, or ANY OTHER NORMAL PERSON, have reacted?" 

We are perpetually presented with the variant, often seemingly idiotic, choices made by others.  And we make a mental note. Sometimes the mental note is accompanied by openhearted approval; other times a menacing word or gesture is the response.  

On a rare occasion we see or hear something "new," we  think "Wow! That's brilliant!  It never occurred to me to act or think that way!  I'm going to change and adopt that new insight.  From now on this is how we roll!"  (Side note:  Wasn't that the intended effect of all that political grand-standing on FB a few months back? And even now?  BTW:  Did ANYONE change their mind or vote as a result of that bombardment?)

Usually, and more frequently however, when confronted with thinking and behaviors which deviate from our own, we think:  "Stupido!  Why didn't it occur to him to think, act, or react just the way that I would have, Mr. Poop-For-Brains?..."    

Has not this happened to us all?   Depending upon the setting, and calibrated by our own personal perspective, people are relatively regarded to be either...

     Speeders                            or  Road Hogs
     Totally Rad Trendsetters    or  just Wannabes
     Adventurous Wildmen       or  Homely Couch Potatoes
     Among the In Crowd         or  Clueless
     Worthy of Admiration        or  Not worthy of Spit
     Inspiring                             or  Insipid
     Helpful                                or  Hopeless
     Mensa's                               or  Dunderheads etc.     

I'm sure a flood of relatively brilliant examples have come to your own mind already without too much effort.  (If you need prodding, just look or listen to the next person you see.)  Why do we do that?  

The interesting point to me is the relativity.  Everyone draws the line a little differently.  We observe, take notes, compare, assess, then judge from our personal perspective.  (We are, after all, the Center of the Universe!)

For example, your average mass murderer probably couldn't help himself from assessing his peers.  (Disclaimer:  This I suspect, not that I personally know any such ones.)  On the relative basis of his thoughts and/or experience alone, he might well be thinking, "Man, how does that guy do it?  He's my idol.  I wonder if he's teaching a class anywhere?  I'd take it!"  

Or rather, if his peer didn't quite measure up, he might well be thinking, "Sloppy work, Mr. Amateur-night.  He's bound to get caught.  If I ever meet him, I'd "off" him myself just do everybody a big favor.  It's guys like him that give us true 'hobbyists' a bad rap..."  

"And while I'm at it:  Hey you, Mr. Slow-Poke!  Stay outta MY lane, too!"  

I don't know where I am going with this, but that's all I have right now. So if you, dear Blog reader, were to collaborate, where might the perusal of this quandary go?  

Why are we so profoundly wired to be judgmental?   
And by this behavior are we serving ourselves well? 

Latest Book Presentation to my Focus Group

…Now, getting back to the bones of my latest blockbuster book-project topic, designed to bring global harmony and understanding.  (I think it has Pulitzer, and possibly Nobel, written all over it! ) 

Much like Einstein, who reduced the complexities of the universe into the simple formula "E=mc squared," I find myself on the cusp of reducing the complexities of ALL HUMAN SOCIAL INTERACTION into a simple, yet easily understandable model.

The material tells me it wants to be entitled--

        The 3 Rules That Govern ALL Social Life !!!         
    or,  How the Social Matrix Works -- In a Nutshell               

                     By Chris Cushingham

What are the 3 cornerstone Rules that govern all social life, you ask? I call them The Rules of Play.  Simply put, they are these... Follow closely: 

Rule #1:    It’s fun to have fun!  (Easy enough?)

Rule #2:   THERE  ARE  NO  RULES!!! 

   

 --except those AGREED TO by the players (and sometimes their parents or police.)  Players enjoy the free flow of the passing of time by just being together and having a bit of fun -- the joking, the kidding, the “ape”ing, the daring, the faux-mocking, the adventure, the adoration, all of which results in time “well-spent.”

            (Side note:  It has been my observation and time-tested truth that one never feels “old” or “infirm” whilst engaged in “play time-well spent.”  Is this not so?   Of course, you may feel like taking a nap after reading this crap, so I say PLAY ON, NOW!  and then take a nap.)

             “Best” friends are invariably those who easily fall into play and waste little or no time quibbling about the Rules.

Rule #3:   Should some “dis-Content” fester into “dis-Consent” over the Rules among the players, the result is typically a Suspension of Play.  

Dis-consent undoes Rule #2 and brings the "social" element among the Players to a halt. You know when this happens because someone usually walks off in a noticeable “Huff!” and takes themselves, and their ball, out of the Play.  

Play has been suspended!  In order to Resume Play, “Consent” must be restored!  (see Rule #2.)  

“Dis-consent” over the Rules can usually only be overcome with a lot of  re-defining, re-adjusting and re-agreeing to the Rules among the Players.  Also, a lot of “I’m Sorry’s!” and/or “I’ll never do that again’s!!!” are involved.  (The only legitimate time the use of never is to be employed in our vocabularies.)

So much fun to be had, so little time (and paper).   More blathering to follow... 

Anyway, these are the bones of my latest Book project which I just thought up this afternoon.  Would you buy a copy of this cutting edge block-buster?  I'd be sure to sign it!

Or, might you prefer to take your ball and go home, in which case I will never bother you again (until one of us gets bored enough and want to Resume Play according to the protocols of Rule #1, #2, and #3...)

Chris

Overlooked Perks of being a 'Book Writer'

    When you let it slip that you are in the process of “writing a Book,” or better yet, if you ask anyone if they have ever thought of writing a Book, you will be amazed at the enrichment it instantly brings to your average boring conversation.  Really!  Try it out and see if it is not Verdad!

Example:  Say, you’re at a dull party, or talking to the policeman who comes to your door responding to an unfortunate and misguided neighbor’s complaint, or better yet, try it next week after church!    I dare you to try this! 

At some point there will be a lull in the conversation, a pregnant pause if you will.  The conversation is looking for direction…  In that seminal  moment, just look the other directly in the eye, and ask:

“Have you ever thought of writing a book?”

Try it!!!  There are only 2 possible responses to this inquiry:

1.    “Why, yes I have!  May I run my ideas past you?  (Wow, I’ve been coming to this meeting for over 50 years, and finally someone who wants to talk about something interesting!)”  I guarantee that you will learn more about that person than you could have ever imagined for you will have struck to the core of their passion.  (Let someone else talk about the weather…)

Or,

           2.  “No.”

Do not be dismayed by this response!  If you just bite your tongue, the immutable laws of conversation will soon click into play, and save the day!

       Rules of Conversation 101

1.  Rule One:  When you initiate a conversation, the questions you ask will be the exact same questions that people will ask you back!

                  Example:  Asker – “What do you do for fun?”

                 Askee – “I don’t talk to people like you!”

Well, that was a bad example, but the point is this: You ask a person “Have you ever thought of writing a book?” If they answer “No” they will usually follow with “Have you?”  Good Answer!  Because then you might have 1. A slight opening to convey your passion (or other interest) and 2. You may get a gauge from this focus group (albeit unscientific) on the viability and potential buyer interest regarding your forth-coming (or not) Book project!

If they smile politely after you “launch” (nautical term) and respond with “So, how’s about this weather?” you know right then and there that you do not have to write that Book! 

Win-win!!! 

(I hesitate to bring up the 3^rd potential response to this question i.e., “Have you ever thought of writing a book?”

3.  “Why yes I have! 

      I have written dozens of books! 

      Have you not read (even) one??? 

      Perhaps you would you like to buy one?

      Or, several?

      I take checks or cash!”)

Ponderifically yours,

Chris

So, "Have you ever thought of writing a Book?"  

       I dare you to ask the first person you see.

       Then tell me all about it...!