This gal calls Dr. Laura detailing the sexual liberties a prominent family member was increasingly taking with her. She tried to avoid him at all costs, but at family gatherings he skillfully finds a way to get her alone, and forces himself upon her. She is embarrassed and humiliated, trapped and mortified.
Finally she speaks up about it, looking to enlist some family support. She would no longer be able to attend family functions if the predator were attending, (of course, he denied all the claims,) and she wanted her other family members to do the same, until he "came clean," sought forgiveness, and changed his ways...
Dr. Laura broke in mid thought and said something like this:
What have you been asked to sacrifice, for the sake of family unity? Have you been victimized by those who should have been looking out for you? In your family? At your work? In your church? With your pals?
What would you do if you were she?
Should she insist on rocking the boat?
Or, go quietly into the dark leaving the family intact as if nothing had ever happened?
A price will be paid, one way or another.
What price should be paid? By whom?
Please weigh in and leave a comment; unless, of course, you don't see that there is a problem...
Finally she speaks up about it, looking to enlist some family support. She would no longer be able to attend family functions if the predator were attending, (of course, he denied all the claims,) and she wanted her other family members to do the same, until he "came clean," sought forgiveness, and changed his ways...
Dr. Laura broke in mid thought and said something like this:
Let me guess. They did not come to your aid at all. I'll bet they minimized and dismissed all of your claims, and hoped you'd change the subject.Now you know how important you are to your family!
What are you going to do going forward, now that you know that they are willing to sacrifice YOU for the sake of preserving family unity..?The dilemma was clear. Could she count on her family? They apparently did not want to see, nor confront a speculative problem. For them there was no problem. The perceived benefits of family unity for them overruled the claims of victimization expressed by the weakest member...
What have you been asked to sacrifice, for the sake of family unity? Have you been victimized by those who should have been looking out for you? In your family? At your work? In your church? With your pals?
What would you do if you were she?
Should she insist on rocking the boat?
Or, go quietly into the dark leaving the family intact as if nothing had ever happened?
A price will be paid, one way or another.
What price should be paid? By whom?
Please weigh in and leave a comment; unless, of course, you don't see that there is a problem...
5 comments:
Love that doesn't enter the other person's world is little more than a nice thought.
The family has much more to deal with than preserving family unity...They are being asked, in effect, to condemn somebody whom they have loved---not an easy task...Unfortunately, the victim of a sex crime rarely leaves behind any lasting physical scars...If a family member maimed another, the physical reminders could not be swept under a rug and ignored...It seems more tempting to claim the "no harm, no foul" line to a rape victim than victims of other violent crimes...The predatorial nature of the rapist, would seem to be akin to the premeditative murderer---a heinious, dark-souled individual...The scenario in Dr. Laura's phone-in would crush any family...
The rapist should pay the biggest price. At the very least, he should be reported to the police. The family members who turned a deaf heart should pay a price very close to the level of severity of the rapist. The unity of the family has earned a negative value in this case. The girl was hurt, the rapist was never held accountable, diminishing his chance of repentance and change, and the family was allowed to remain in M. Scott Peck's category, "The People of the Lie." Family unity has no inherent value. It can serve good and evil. Silence is powerful. Here it gave the family power over the girl, tied her hands, humiliated her, possibly caused her to question her own sanity and sense of morality and entrenched itself further in the lie. It gave the family a sense of power over the girl by closing ranks and leaving her out in their denial of her "ludicrous" claims. Unity over lies and evil creates a potent force. Standing in unity regarding truthful and loving issues is powerful and healthy for the participants, but unity for its own sake, familial or otherwise, is meaningless, and unity around evil only makes evil more powerful. It is preferable to stand alone.
Well, said, Anonymous, whoever you are!
I am that girl. I have been experiencing exactly that right now with my dysfunctional family of origin since I have "come out" about the sexual abuse I experienced in The Way. Something I read recently was that most people will side with the abuser rather than deal with the uncomfortableness of relating to the victim. That was disturbing to me, but it is what I have seen in my own family. It's not necessarily intentional on their part, but true still, and extremely hurtful. Silence was the cord that bound our family together and now that it has been broken, so is the family. And that is a very good thing.
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